Unit 1 · p.17 Family Matters

Quick thought experiment. Think of something true that you'd find really difficult to say to someone in your family. Don't say it out loud. Just think of it.

给 15 秒思考。

Got one? Now three versions of the same message. One: "Your cooking is terrible." Two: "Frankly, your cooking is terrible." Three: "Admittedly, your cooking isn't the best." Which one starts a war?

The second one. "Frankly" makes it sound like you've been waiting to say it.

Ha! And the first?

It's rude, but "frankly" makes it even more direct.

And the third?

It's softer. "Admittedly" sounds like you don't really want to say it, but you have to admit it.

So one word at the start of the sentence changes the whole relationship. What does it do?

It shows the speaker's attitude about the thing.

Exactly right. Small preposition fix: attitude TO or TOWARDS something. And here, even better: it shows how the speaker feels about what they're saying.

It shows how the speaker feels about what they're saying.

That's the definition from the rule box, word for word. Today's question: how do you say something difficult to a family member without starting a war? You'll need two things: attitude adverbs, and the vocabulary of conflict, which you found on the web page last lesson.

Get your circles from last lesson ready. Let's see what you found.

Exercise 6. Try from memory first, then check. Four adverbs, four sentences. Number 1: blank, I'll hear from some of you who are onlies.

Hopefully. Greg wants people to reply.

Number 2: It's blank very hard to compare them.

Obviously. That's Robyn: you can't experience both, so it's obviously hard to compare.

Number 3: He's blank my parents' favourite.

Undoubtedly. Cathy, about her brother.

How sure is she?

A hundred percent. No doubt at all.

Number 4: blank, some are spoiled, but there are plenty who aren't.

Admittedly. That's Matt.

Now the interesting one. Why does Matt say "admittedly"? Is he on the "onlies are spoiled" side?

Yes, he admits that onlies are spoiled.

He admits SOME are. But then what's the next word?

"But". So he admits a small point against himself, and then he goes back to his real point: plenty aren't.

That's the job of "admittedly": 先让一步，再反击. It makes you sound fair, so people are more likely to listen to the rest. Try one. Admit something about your own family, then say "but".

Admittedly, my brother can be really annoying, but he's always there when I need him.

Lovely. You conceded, then defended. Check all four in the web page now, and underline who said what.

学生回到 p.16 核对，标出说话人。

Exercise 7. Four more attitude adverbs are hiding in the web page. You circled them last lesson. Who's got all four?

Honestly, frankly, understandably, and inevitably.

Who uses each one?

Greg says "I honestly don't understand why people think this way". Cathy says "frankly I wish I didn't". Matt says "Understandably, you're upset". And Greg says "inevitably we're going to see more and more onlies".

Complete the rule with those four. Done. Now the position. Look where they sit. "Frankly, I wish I didn't."

At the start of the sentence.

"He's undoubtedly my parents' favourite."

After the verb "is".

That's the rule: start of the clause, or immediately after the initial verb. Now, frankly and honestly. Same?

Not exactly. "Honestly" means I'm being sincere. "Frankly" means I'm being direct, maybe a bit rude.

Which one would you use with your grandma?

Honestly. "Frankly" to your grandma sounds like you're about to criticise her.

Frankly speaking, I don't like my uncle's jokes.

Ha, a very common one. Chinese students love "frankly speaking". It's not wrong, but it sounds old-fashioned and a bit textbook. One word does the job.

Frankly, I don't like my uncle's jokes. Although that's probably not something I'd say to his face.

Wise. Now "understandably". Matt says "Understandably, you're upset." What's he doing to Cathy?

He's showing sympathy. He means: of course you're upset, it makes sense.

And that's a key tool for today's question. If you start with "understandably", the other person feels heard. And "inevitably"?

It means it can't be avoided. It will definitely happen.

Inevitable, more people will have only one child.

You've got the meaning. But you used the adjective. At the start of a sentence, as an attitude word, we need the adverb, with -ly.

Inevitably, more and more people will have only one child.

Exercise 8. Two key words first. "Frank"?

Honest and direct. Saying exactly what you think.

"Inevitable"?

Certain to happen. You can't stop it.

Now, eight pairs of sentences. Turn the underlined word into an adverb and make one sentence. Number 1 together: "Your new haircut looks terrible. I'm being frank about this."

Frankly, your new haircut looks terrible.

Any other position?

At the end: "Your haircut looks terrible, frankly!" That sounds even ruder.

Ha, yes, it's like a slap at the end. Do 2 to 8 alone, and for each one try two positions if you can. Four minutes.

巡视。时间不够可以留作业。重点检查拼写 admittedly / undoubtedly / inevitably。

Number 2, the jacket.

Hopefully, my brother will lend me his jacket. Or: my brother will hopefully lend me his jacket.

Number 3.

Inevitably, I won't pass the test because I didn't study enough.

Number 4 is the tricky one. Why can't we start with "Admittedly, I'm good at languages"?

Because I'm not admitting I'm good at languages. I'm admitting my sister's better at Maths. So it has to go in the second part.

Exactly. The adverb sits next to the thing it's about. So?

I'm good at languages, but, admittedly, my sister is better than me at Maths.

Number 5.

Understandly, you're angry with me for being mean to my sister.

The position is perfect. The spelling lost a syllable. Understand, ABLE, LY. Understandably.

Understandably, you're angry with me for being mean to my sister.

Number 6.

I would honestly never hurt my sister.

7 and 8.

My brother is obviously jealous of me. And: we'll undoubtedly be tired when we arrive.

I wrote "undoubtly".

Very common. The word is un-DOUBT-ed-ly. Four syllables. Say it.

Undoubtedly. We'll undoubtedly be tired when we arrive.

Now the question that matters: which of your eight sounds the kindest, and which the harshest?

The kindest is number 5, "understandably", because you're accepting the other person's feelings. The harshest is number 1 with "frankly" at the end.

So if you need to say something difficult to your sister, which adverb would you start with?

"Understandably" or "admittedly". Show you see their side first, then say the difficult thing.

Exercise 9. Eight conflict phrases. You circled most of them on the web page. From memory first, then check. Two minutes.

Number 1: "My little sister really gets on…"

g, my nerves when she keeps taking my things.

2: "Dad said he wants to have a…"

a, word with me. What could it be?!

Is "having a word" relaxing?

No! It's usually bad news. Like when the teacher says "can I have a word?"

Ha, 被叫去办公室的感觉. 3?

h. You'll only make things worse for me.

4?

b. I don't want to say something I might regret.

5?

f. I really can't put up with all that noise anymore.

6: "My elder sister made…"

c. My life miserable when we were younger.

7: "Why don't you just let…"

d. Him be and get on with your own life.

8?

e. He's always getting into fights with the other kids.

So: 1g, 2a, 3h, 4b, 5f, 6c, 7d, 8e. Now explain the meaning. "Put up with"?

It means to stand something. Like, I can't stand up with the noise.

You've mixed two phrases, and both are good! "I can't stand the noise", or "I can't put up with the noise". Not "stand up with".

I can't put up with the noise. Or: I can't stand the noise.

"Let him be"?

Leave him alone. Don't try to change him.

Which ones describe the problem, and which a reaction?

Problem: gets on my nerves, make my life miserable, get into fights. Reaction: have a word, let him be, put up with, say something you might regret, make things worse.

Good analysis. And now look: which reactions answer our big question well, and which start the war?

"Have a word" and "let him be" are peaceful. "Say something you might regret" and "make things worse" start the war.

Exercise 10. Same phrases, new sentences, and two wrong options for each. Choose fast. Number 1: Mrs Gibson is making my time, life or days miserable.

Life. Make my life miserable.

2: had a word on, to, or with Angela.

With.

3: say, reply or tell something you might regret.

Say.

Why not "tell"?

"Tell" needs a person after it. Tell someone something.

4: It really goes, gets or puts on my nerves.

Gets.

5: I won't put with, up with, or up on it anymore.

Up with.

6: I think I've just done, made or caused things worse.

Caused. Because I caused the problem.

Logically that makes total sense. But collocations aren't logic, they're habit. English speakers always say "make things worse".

Made. I think I've just made things worse.

7: just let him alone, be, or do.

Be. Let him be.

8: always getting into, in, or with fights.

Into. Getting into fights.

So: life, with, say, gets, up with, made, be, into. Now a speed game. I say half, you say the whole phrase. "Nerves!"

Gets on my nerves!

"Have a…"

Have a word with someone!

"Regret!"

Say something you might regret!

"Worse!"

Make things worse!

也可以两人一组互相考，一人说动词或名词，另一人说完整短语。

Now in pairs, test each other. Fastest pair wins.

Exercise 11. First fill the gaps: nerves, regretted, word, worse, up. Easy now. Then discuss with a partner. Give reasons, and listeners, keep asking questions.

My example first. What really gets on my nerves is when people walk slowly in a line of three on a narrow pavement. Admittedly, I'm usually late, but still.

Ha! Same.

学生两人讨论 4 分钟。巡视，示范追问。

Let's hear one for question 2. Have you ever said something you later regretted?

Yes. I once told my sister she was the most selfish person I'd ever met.

And then what happened?

She didn't talk to me for a week.

Good follow-up question. Now, if you could go back, how would you say it?

I would say: Admittedly, you are a bit selfish.

Ha! "Admittedly" means YOU are admitting something against your own position. If you use it to attack her, it still sounds like an attack.

Oh. So: "Understandably, you want your own space, but it really gets on my nerves when you take my things without asking."

Now that's how you say something difficult without starting a war. You showed you understood her, then you described the behaviour, not her personality.

Question 3: I had to have a word with my best friend, because she was always cancelling our plans at the last minute.

Why? What happened next?

Honestly, she didn't even realise she was doing it. Now she texts me earlier.

And question 5? What behaviour do you find difficult to put up with?

I can't put up people who lie.

I think we all agree with you. But you lost a little word.

I can't put up with people who lie. Even small lies.

So, our big question. From everything today: what's the recipe?

Start with "understandably" or "admittedly", talk about the behaviour not the person, and maybe have a word in private instead of saying something you might regret.

Exit ticket. Remember the difficult thing you thought of at the start? Write it now, the way you'd say it to that person. Three or four sentences, two adverbs, two phrases from Exercise 9.

写 3 分钟。可以匿名，不一定要读出来。

Anyone brave enough to share?

Mum, understandably, you want to know how I'm doing at school. Admittedly, my grades haven't been great. But honestly, it really gets on my nerves when you check my phone every evening.

Every adult in the room just felt that. And how do you finish?

Could we have a word about it at the weekend? Hopefully we can find a way that works for both of us.

That's not a war. That's a negotiation. Partner check: adverbs in the right position?

He wrote "I hopefully can find a way".

Where does the adverb usually go when there's a modal verb like "can"?

After the first verb, or at the start. "I can hopefully find a way", or "Hopefully, I can find a way".

Perfect. Homework: write up your answers to Exercise 11 with as many collocations from Exercise 9 as you can. Next lesson we go back two hundred years, to the most famous pair of sisters in English literature.